


december 23rd: when life isn't always as brilliant

by watergator



Series: december fic advent 2018 [23]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hospital, F/F, Genderswap, Mentions of Blood, Mentions of Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-23
Updated: 2018-12-23
Packaged: 2019-09-25 10:46:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17119904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/watergator/pseuds/watergator
Summary: prompt: theatredi has a hard day at work; phebes is there to make her feel better





	december 23rd: when life isn't always as brilliant

The bottom of her trainer taps against lineal flooring with an unsteady beat. She’s supposed to be enjoying her break; tucked away in a little room with a few vending machines decorated against three walls and a scattering of round wooden tables around the room.  
  
But her packet of crisps feel stale in her mouth as she chews down on them, letting tiny crumbs cascade down her scrubs. She feels so hard wired today. It’s not an unusual occurrence, working in a hospital comes with the fast paced thrum that she’s used to flooding her body at all hours of the day.  
  
But right now she’s tired and stressed and feeling like shit. But Di has to forget that and get to work. Because this isn’t a job where she can focus on herself at all, not a career she chose that would let her mind wander in the day and go someplace else from here; this was a job that needed her to be grounded and focused on the here and now.  
  
The door creaks open, and she can hear the far off sounds of the hospital bustling with life just outside.  
  
Of course it’s Phoebe who strides in, her backpack slung over her shoulder with a smile on her face,  
  
“Hey,” she greets her by pulling up the chair beside her, leaning over to give her a quick peck on the cheek before sitting down and pulling out her lunch from her bag.  
  
“Did you eat already?” she asks as she opens up a little tupperware box of what looks like some sort of chicken salad.  
  
Di shakes her head, before using the palm of her hand to press against her forehead, pushing back the tiny wisps of baby hairs that have fallen out of her tight bun throughout the morning.  
  
Phoebe is already forking a heap of leaves into her mouth when she looks up at Di with concerned eyes,  
  
“You good?”  
  
Di sighs, and shakes her head.  
  
“No. Not really.”  
  
Phoebe swallows down her salad and scrapes her chair closer to her and puts a hand over hers on the table,  
  
“Di, babe, what’s wrong?” she asks in a gentle voice.  
  
“I’m so shit,” is all she says, her voice cracking.  
  
“Fuck. What happened?” Phoebe asks, running a thumb over her knuckles gently.  
  
Di lets her shoulders slump and her breath hitches in her chest,  
  
“Seventeen year old, emergency. Motorbike accident. Bled out.”  
  
“Fuck,” is all Phoebe says back, taking her hand and holding it tight.  
  
Di takes a shaky breath in, and uses her free hand to wipe under her nose, “His mum screamed at me.”  
  
“That’s okay,” Phoebe assures her gently, “that’s okay.”  
  
Di shakes her head and blinks away tears that burn behind her eyes. She daren’t look up at Phoebe and suffer the heavy look she can feel she’s giving her; the one that looks twisted in concern and worry and too much love and care. The kind that Di feels she doesn’t deserve.  
  
“She fucking screamed and broke down and cried and I just stood there,” Di whispers, her voice teeters now from fully breaking. But she sucks in a deep breath and tries to calm the thudding of her heart against her ribs.  
  
Phoebe throws an arm around her shoulders and pulls her in. “It’s okay,” she tells her, mumbling against where he face is pressed up against her shoulder.  
  
“He’d dead, Phoebe. I let a _kid_ die on the fucking operating table.” Di spits coldly, pulling herself away from her girlfriend and looking up to finally face her.  
  
Her blue eyes burn with worry, as expected, and her lips are drawn into a tiny little frown, with her short black hair tucked behind her ears, where it sits neatly above her shoulders. It’s the face she loves and cares for, and her body burns with so much guilt; guilt for a death that wasn’t supposed to happen today, and now guilt for making the one person she loves have to look at her like _that_.  
  
She counts her breaths; her heart thumping louder and harder in her body as her head pounds with the knowledge, over and over again that someone died today because of her. Someone is dead because of what she’s done.  
  
She watches Phoebe’s face straighten out and lips pull tight on her face sternly, and she picks her hand back up in hers and squeezes so tight, Di is worried she might break some bones.  
  
“Yeah. Okay, someone died today. Someone died, but it’s not your fault.” Phoebe tells her, swallowing thickly, eyes not blinking as she gives her a hard stare.  
  
Di can feel tears well up behind her eyes again and she gives a little hiccup of a sob, trying to hold it all back.  
  
“Life is so shit sometimes and people fuck up and people die. But don’t you dare let that stop you.”  
  
Di nods weakly, “Fuck,” she whispers, eyes flickering down before looking back up again to be greeted with a softer looking smile.  
  
“You’re a fucking incredible surgeon. You’ve saved more lives than you’ve lost, yeah?”  
  
Di nods again, her lip wobbles and she lets a few tears escape. “Yeah,” she tries to say but it comes out in a whisper.  
  
“You have three o’clock with me today, a simple appendix removal on a young man. Simple. Easy. Only because you’re bloody brilliant,” Phoebe tells her in a firm tone, squeezing her hand once more.  
  
“You’re gonna be there?” Di asks, blinking away a few more stray tears, and Phoebe nods confidently.  
  
“Course. I am your surgical nurse, am I not?” she smiles gently.  
  
Di huffs out a sad sounding laugh but leans forward to rest her head against Phoebe’s shoulder, feeling arms come round to wrap around her back and pull her in nice and warm.  
  
“You’re brilliant. Life isn’t sometimes, that’s all it is.” Phoebe tells her as she begins to rub her fingers against the scratchy material of her scrubs. Di just buries her nose against her collarbone and takes in a deep breath.  
  
“I love you,” Di tells her shakily, taking her hands to grip softly at the hem of her shirt. “I love you a whole fucking lot.”  
  
Phoebe strokes her back with the flat of her hand, and the touch of her hands against her spine is enough to ground her to the earth and pull her back down from where her brain had taken her.  
  
“I know,” she whispers back, her breath tickling against her neck.  
  
Just then, there’s a little beeping noise and Di is pulling away, glancing down to the vibration against her hip with a frown.  
  
“I have to go,” she says sadly.  
  
But Phoebe just smiles and pushes a chocolate bar across the table to her. “Go,” she tells her, “you’ll be okay.”  
  
Di stands up, legs still weak but head feeling clearer. “Yeah, okay. I’m okay.”  
  
Their hands linger on each other, fingers intertwined desperately until Di is pulling away to move towards the door. She pauses just before she swings it open to re-join the lively bustle of the hospital to turn and face Phoebe once more.  
  
“I’ll see you in theatre, yeah?” she smiles, and Phoebe nods.  
  
“I’ll see you in theatre. Be brilliant.”  
  
Di laughs, feeling it rumble against her chest where it seems to warm her, “As long as you stay amazing,” she smiles wide, and she can feel herself crying again with a wetness against her cheeks, before wiping them away again.  
  
“Love you,” Phoebe whispers, and Di is reaching for the door and pushing it open with a loud creak. Her heart thuds in her chest and her lips twitch into a fond smile. She looks at Phoebe with as much adoration and love she can muster and sighs,  
  
“Love you too.”

**Author's Note:**

> come say hi on tumblr !! @watergator


End file.
